walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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