I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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