She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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