Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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