Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Congratulations! We have a period
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