That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
