If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize