How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Randomize
