Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
