Swine flu. Run for my life!
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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