We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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