While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
