I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
