Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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