I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
