You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
false alarm. still invincible.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just invented taco cereal.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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