He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You made out with two different species that night
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
