put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
