Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
