It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize