i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
there is puke in my bra ... again
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
