did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
