Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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