hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
