Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
