Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize