Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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