so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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