A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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