The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
