you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
