I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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