She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
