I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
