I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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