My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
