I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
