his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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