Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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