We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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