How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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