I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
