I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
