Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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