I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I enjoy the company of your penis
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
