I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
