My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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