shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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