Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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