I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
