I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
