oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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