I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I want to fling myself into the sun
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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