I want to walk on stilts...naked
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
