I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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