Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
did you just send me my own nude
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
