I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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