did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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