I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
