i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
