You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
