just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
