wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
