I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize