I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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